Words cannot describe how powerful this initiation into motherhood has been. I feel raw and completely blown open in the most full spectrum primordial way. I want you all to know that I truly felt and needed your prayers and support to do this. Thank you so much for beaming love our way! There were moments when I didn’t think I could do it but somehow I found the will to persevere. It was the ultimate surrender and journey into the primordial waters of the Earth mother. All time, space & ego was dissolved during the 13 birthing hours of the most primal, fierce & intense experience of my life. I was pushed beyond all thresholds and physical boundaries I may have once had to retrieve my warrior self and do whatever it takes to bring this precious baby into the world.

Thanks to the help of my amazing husband & birth team, Elyas Marin Rutherford was born at home in our bed on February 22nd at 1:03 pm 100% naturally. He is a vibrant, alert and super activated beautiful baby boy. We are so in love and completely captivated by his innocence and sweetness. We have entered together through the baby portal of pure angelic tenderness and ultimate sensitivity. What a humbling and beautiful space to be in. I will never be the same. Now I know what parents truly mean when they say that they will do ANYTHING for their children. Through this process I have also gained absolute respect for any woman who chooses to give birth no matter what path she chooses or her birth journey takes.  This was the hardest and simultaneously most amazing thing I’ve ever done and he was so worth it. Infinite love and gratitude for all of you Goddesses & for the higher watery maternal powers of nature from which we all came. Life is a miracle. We are ALL miracles.

Nothing can prepare you for the initiation into parenthood. Through birth the soul matures in ways unimaginable and the heart expands beyond all previously known boundaries with love for this pure innocent helpless little angel. The primal act of giving birth to this new life requires walking the fragile thin line between life and death, being the absolute tether to sustenance for him, my breast the new umbilical, the only thing that will comfort and sustain, forcing me into the present moment daily.  In this process I am also born again ...I am mother.